Wow. I badly need help with my war macros, and this post from Lady Seryn makes the most sense I've ever seen.

Target Macro
/echo Target: [bt]
/target [bt]

Provoke Macro
/ja "Provoke" [t]
/p (Provoke) [t]
/wait 30
/echo -- Provoke Ready! --

Use the Target macro at the start of the battle to make sure you have the right mob, and use the Provoke macro throughout the battle to provoke the enemy. It's also worth setting up a /ja "Provoke" [stnpc] macro as well, so you can properly Provoke a link when necessary. (Or just use the menu -- it happens rarely enough)

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(note: you might have to change [bt]to [t]to voke an unclaimed mob... honestly not sure)

If there is no existing battle target, [bt] will provoke whatever you currently have targetted. If there IS an existing battle target, then no matter what you do, it will provoke the battle target (assuming you are in range). If there is more than one battle target, it is dangerous to use [bt] because it can choose either one of them. (I'm not sure what criteria it actually uses, but it is not predictable enough for most people to use when there is more than one target, in any case)

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ONLY USE DEFENDER WHEN YOUR HP IS RED. So many Warriors I see keep it up non stop and wonder why the mob never looks twice at them

A trick that does work well is to use Meat Mithkabobs, and use Defender to boost your defense whenever you are fighting a heavy hitting mob. Your ability to control hate WILL drop a bit, but the Meat Mithkabob will help compensate, and you will not cost your WHM as much MP. With fewer cures, the WHM is less likely to pull the mob off of you. As long as you can keep hate on you instead of the other party members, this works very well. Turning on Defender a little later into the battle after getting a few good hits in to build up some hate also helps. When you pull a weaker mob, you can simply not use Defender, and the attack bonuses from the Meat Mithkabob will make it that much easier to control hate.